I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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