You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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