Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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