the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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