she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
