he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
