I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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