because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
