so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize