he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
