I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
