Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
