Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize