Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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