winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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