If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
