Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
