Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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