so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize