i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
