Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
