What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
