there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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