im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
