from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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