I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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