Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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