He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
