Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
