ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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