I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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