He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
