Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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