I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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