I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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