they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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