So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
