Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize