Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize