Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
