your parents love me but you hate me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
