All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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