my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
