im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize