remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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