We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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