Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
