Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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