Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
