i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
