pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
