I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
