sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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