okay pat passed out under dana's car
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
