So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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