id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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