you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
