why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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