After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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