So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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