Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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