So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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