Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize