i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
