You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
