The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
