Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
