Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
