I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
