He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
